“When Hell is full, the dead will walk the earth.” ~Dawn of the Dead
If you’ve ever worked in retail, or another customer based industry, then you probably know that people tend to zone out when they’re shopping. They have little regard or compassion for others around them. I’ve seen mothers run over their own children with shopping carts while looking for a shirt in their size. People tend to shop in auto pilot, lost in their own little worlds.
Some days its not such a jump to assume that the woman across the produce aisle checking oranges for ripeness, might just be proper brain eating, walking dead.
A zombie attack can be a fun daydream. Morbid, but fun. Suddenly, the important things don’t matter so much. It’s hard to be concerned with your epic debt when an army of a thousand zombies are chasing you with no other thought than to snack on your flesh.
It’s smart to have a contingency plan in the event things escalate from daydream, to full on apocalyptic survival.
For today let’s assume this is a mall based attack and that food is no concern, because face it when we’re talking zombie attacks, food is fairly boring. Starting from 10 here are the best places to hide out from zombies…
10. Victoria’s Secret/Bath and Body Works- These aren’t really great choices, but you could do worse. At very least they have aerosols like hairspray which have the flammable properties for flame throwing. Also, what they don’t tell you in the movies is that Zombies smell. Bad. They’re decomposing people, so maybe you can overpower the stench of rot and decay with cucumber melon body spray.
9. Hot Topic- The best thing you can hope for from visiting Hot Topic is to fit in. It may be possible to Emo yourself out so much that you can blend with the Zombies and escape to safety. Just be careful that you don’t blend in too well if you find other survivors.
8. Hair salon- While comfort clearly isn’t an amenity you’ll find here, you will find something useful- chemicals and sharp pointy scissors. Chemicals can be used to create Molotov’s and makeshift flame throwers. I hope the use of scissors is obvious. The hair salon isn’t the best place to hole up in, but seeing as how there is usually more than one in a mall; it may be the closest option. If you find yourself cut off from other better choices, this is a quick fix.
7. Bookstore (Hopefully with a café)- Weapons aren’t a high factor here, but you may be able to seek useful skills. If the Zombie outbreak is local you may be able to figure out a way to contact help. The wealth of knowledge alone will be worth the trouble. The shelves themselves could be disassembled to assist boarding up doors and windows.
A café is preferable as it could provide cutlery and other utensils that could serve as viable weapon options.
6. Specialty stores- Some malls have smaller niche stores. If you’re lucky, this may include weapons, outdoors, kitchen wares or sporting goods shop. For what I hope are obvious reasons any of these would be fantastic to run into. A kitchen gadgets retailers is going to have a plethora of butcher knifes if nothing else. If you can find a handy epic extension cord, an electric knife could be handy. Outdoors shops are essentially survival oriented, so have a field day with the opportunities inside. Sporting goods have sports equipment, so really….take your pick. Baseball bats, bowling balls, even tennis rackets would be good ways to defend yourself. The likelihood of having any of these options however may be limited since many local or smaller malls don’t have such stores.
On Wednesday we’ll finish the list with 5-1. What stores do you expect to see in the conclusion?
(photo by: Eric Ingrum)
Related posts:
- Where will you hide when the Zombie Apocalypse starts? (part 2)
- If life were like the movies…
- Why you need a vacation
LOL at Hot Topic. You'd look like something from a Tim Burton movie and just walk around without being detected.
bowling balls are dangerous on the foot if you mishandle it.”‘,
I can see that you’re putting plenty of time and effort into your blog and detailed articles!
bowling balls are quite dangerous to the hands of a newbie and untrained bowling player~.: