Dear radio,

I can’t go on like this anymore.  We’ve had some good times.  You’ve introduced me to some really good music over the years, and you’ve certainly helped me through some rough times.  But lately, our interactions have been…..  horrible.  When I listen to you, I feel empty.  I feel like a drug addict, searching harder each time for a good hit.  Something better, something stronger.  But a better hit never comes.  It’s just the same 40 hits repeatedly.  On shuffle.  For eternity.

Radio, you disappoint me.

Once, you had sympathetic voices.  Voices who might care about my heartbreak or despair.  Voices who would play songs to make me feel better.  Now you have Seacrest.  Or horrible imitators. You have homogenized the personality out of your voices and now, whenever I hear them I viciously attack your buttons to avoid hearing the inane crap they spew.

You were once reliable and true.  But you have turned into a deceptive beast.  I tune in to your stations and find that they have changed overnight, and rarely for the better.  I dislike format changes, especially when they leave a gap in genre coverage, as they often do.  Reprogramming my car stereo is annoying.  Well….no, it’s actually really easy…. but now I have fewer listening options, and that is annoying.

Your greed and your ever growing desire to appeal to everyone has ruined our relationship.  You can’t please all of the people, all of the time, and your attempts to, leave you pleasing no one.  There are too many other options out there for this idiotic behavior.  Seriously.  Pull your head out of your ass  out of the sand.   Times have changed.  We have pandora, and satellite, and itunes and spotify and a myriad of portable devices that bring me whatever I want.  If I wanted to listen to the same 12 songs every hour, I WOULD BURN A FRIGGING CD WITH THOSE 12 SONGS ON IT AND LISTEN TO IT UNTIL MY EARS BLED.  *ahem*

Take for example, this song.

I liked this song last week.  I really did.  But it’s been on, EVERY TIME I GET INTO MY FUCKING CAR.  I think at least 4 local stations are playing it and I feel like its the only song in the world.  Maybe the formerly classic rock station should have changed formats to ROLLING IN THE DEEP.  All Rolling in the Deep, all the time.

Oh, I’m sorry, no.  I’m exaggerating.

This station would also alternate Katy Perry’s obvious rip off of Rebecca Black.  And now I have to go drink excessive amounts of alcohol because I’ve just referenced Rebecca Black.  Twice.  On my own blog.  RAGE.

Anyway.

I understand, that you have operated like this for years.  I mean, stations are called top 40 for a reason, right?  But you do this on all stations.  Classic rock stations?  Really? You have at least 3 decades of music to pull from.  Must you really play “Sympathy for the Devil” by the Rolling Stones every other hour? It’s at least 3 minutes too long, and not very good to begin with.   If you really need to play the Stones that much (overrated!) can I at least get some “Paint it Black”?

And the Christian music station follows this too.  I thought I could escape from the repetitiveness on the mainstream stations, but after 3 days I discover that even the Jesus channel is making me want to drive in utter silence just to escape from the sameness.

THE SAMENESS IS KILLING ME.  The sameness is poison.  Poison with a side of psychological breakdown.

I wish this rant was more about the lack of live humans involved in radio, and the greed of Cox and Clear Channel forcing awesome people out of jobs and running 500 stations with one guy and then broadcasting the same show everywhere, while pretending its still local.  Or any of the other hundred problems with the entire radio industry.  Or how annoying the scratch and dent world commercials are.

But it isn’t.  It’s mostly about how bored I am.  Radio, I am SO bored with you.  Excuse me, I have to go burn an excessive amount of cd’s now.