Yesterday I free form ranted about the lameness of the ever controlling, ever psychotic Edward Cullen.  At the end I left you with this little gem:

Edward Cullen is an allegory for Heroin.

Bella is a tragic drug addict who eventually overdoses.  Lets look at some of the classic signs of drug addiction.

Feeling that you have to use the drug regularly: This sums up Bella’s feeling towards Edward pretty accurately.  She gets nervous when he’s out of sight.  Anytime he disappears for an afternoon she spends the time wallowing in whiny self pity.

Feeling that you need the drug to deal with your problems: She pretty much abandons all idea of a future without him.  She is unable to make any choices without Edward’s approval.  Anytime anything happens she has to consult her drug for answers.

Focusing more and more time and energy on getting and using the drug: Face it.  All of Bella’s time and energy revolve around finding ways to spend more time with her drug.

Other symptoms include, isolation, impaired judgment, panic, depression ect.

So, basically if you wanted to describe someone with a drug problem, just describe Bella Swan.  She constantly lies to her father and to a lessor extent her mother.  She has no friends outside of Edward’s family.  This isn’t romance, its addiction.

The entirety of New Moon is Bella going through a LONG drawn out detox.  When the movie shows Bella sitting in that chair while the months pass, I see that creepy detox scene from Trainspotting with the baby on the ceiling.  I’m serious. Its the same thing, pathetic screams and all.

compare to…

After Edward leaves and Bella goes through detox, she starts to get her shit together again.  She still harbors some suicidal tendencies, but she is forming a semi- normal bond with a long time friend.  Until she goes back in for another hit.  She becomes a desperate addict again and it kills her.  Yes Bella is eventually overcome with so much stupidity that she overdoses on Edward.

This is a story that only holds a shred of romanticism because it is told from the perspective of the junkie.  Of course a junkie will tell you heroin is awesome, they’re a friggin junkie! Told from, perhaps, her father’s perspective this entire saga becomes a very sad tale of a girl who couldn’t just say no to drugs.  So if you drop away the angst and the prepubescent glamorization, we have a bland, lifeless, boring girl who gets tangled up in drugs and dies as a result.  Yes.  Yes I see why everyone is obsessed with this.  makes perfect sense to me now….ugh.

Can we collectively stop making this “character” a role model?  She has no redeemable qualities.  Twilight is a terrible example of everything.  Relationships, growing up, decision making…. even the writing….everything is just awful.

Please J.K. Rowling, write some more books now so we can leave Stephanie Meyer far far behind us.

For an awesome f-bomb filled synopsis of the last book proceed to this link.

(photo by: by permanently scatterbrained)