While the world complains about the price of gas, I remain enraged about the price of seeing a movie.  I went to my local multiplex last night to see Thor.

21 frigging $ for 2 of us.  10.50 per ticket. If you want 3d, its two more bucks, fake IMAX will make one ticket price 16.50.  Per person.

And they wonder why people download movies.

What complete bullshit.  I could buy the DVD for less and watch on my big screen with surround sound in my pajamas without all the annoyance of interacting with morons.  I

At home there is no asshole that sits right next to me with an entire theater of open seats.  No bimbo behind me, compulsively screaming or laughing too loud. No frat boy reject answering their phone during a dramatic scene and carrying on a loud conversation. There isn’t that horrible person that keeps asking, “What’s happening?” “What does that mean?” “Why is he doing that!”   No one even laughs at the stupid etrade commercials that are not cute.  In the comfort of my own home, I do not have to abide the ignorant masses at great injury to my wallet.  I don’t have to pay a 300% markup for stale, over butterered popcorn.  I can pause the movie and go to the bathroom if I need to.

And they wonder why people prefer to download movies.   No, I can’t imagine why I would download something.

If they let me watch legally from home….I would.  The entire process of releasing a movie into a theater for a month or so and then waiting 6 more months for that film to get to DVD is archaic.

Yesterday an article on Wired reported that 23,000 Americans will be sued for downloading The Expendables.    Settlements will start at $3000 per person and carry possible prison time.  I don’t know about you, but three grand and a prison record would pretty much ruin my life for the foreseeable future, and all for a stupid summer fluff action movie.

Yeah, that seems fair punishment for something that is not only generally acceptable but encouraged in our society.

I have a “Self” magazine on my coffee table that has an article telling me where to go download or watch the latest episodes of TV or new release movies.   Legal options like Netflix, YouTube and Hulu are not mentioned.  All of the sites mentioned, are in fact, piracy sites.

Isn’t there real violent crime happening?  If you want to punish someone for getting free stuff while other people who work hard go unpaid, you should look into corporate crime.  CEO’s getting huge bonuses while laying off tens of thousands of employees to cut costs and pad their wallets…. no nothing wrong there.  We don’t want to criminalize the rich, they’re our heroes!  We’d rather go after 7 year olds and nuns who may have downloaded something that MPAA, or RIAA could make a buck off of.

The movie industry needs to change.  The technology is changing, and these old dinosaurs are going extinct because they refuse to acknowledge that change.  We have a culture of instant gratification, and that has a thousand further implications I won’t go into here, but Hollywood seems to think this instant streaming/DVR thing is just a phase we’re going through.  Yes. We’re all just rebellious teenagers, and someday we’ll grow up and think its ok to pay 15 dollars for a movie ticket.

In other news, Thor was really good, and I will support Marvel for making a good movie, by purchasing the DVD, all legal like.  And in the end, they will have 40- 50 of my dollars for just this one movie.  That’s almost a full day of working (after uncle takes his cut) to cover the price.  Eight hours at a crappy job to have 2 hours of mild escapism.  That cost makes me think I’ll skip Green Lantern, and X-men and just wait for Captain America.  Probably an early afternoon matinee. And likely the last movie I’ll go see this year.

(Photo By ladybeames)

***Painfully aware I need an editor.

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Proving that I’m not a hater of all December music, a list of songs I actually do like.  I like my Christmas music to be meaningful, or at least happy.  I’m obviously not a fan of the more materialistic elements of the holiday.  I prefer to give and receive presents that are thoughtful as opposed to expensive and I like songs that encourage love, joy,mirth, peace on earth, goodwill toward men.  You know.  All those words they print on Christmas cards, they aren’t empty words.  They actually have definitions.

And I don’t really understand the current necessity of cleansing Christmas music of any overt reference to Jesus.   Are people really so stupid that they are angry when they hear CHRISTmas songs that mention the birth of Jesus CHRIST?  Really?  I get it that some people don’t believe in God or Jesus, and I get that some people don’t celebrate Christmas, but we live in a culture that is obsessed with Christmas, so I’m sorry, you’re going to run into Christmas stuff.

And while I’m ranting, fellow Christians….  We are not called to spew hatred and malice on people who don’t share in our joyous celebration of Jesus, so stop it.  You aren’t doing anyone any favors.  Yes.  Stand up for your right to celebrate Christmas, but please stop being so ignorant of everything that this baby grew up to teach us.  Love people.  All people.  Even if you disagree with them.  Even Especially if they’re mean to you. This bickering is destroying any attempt to witness.

And another little tirade… getting angry that a Christmas song sings about Jesus, is like ordering Iced Tea in a restaurant and being upset when your tea has ice in it. Its right there in the name.  Ice is a main ingredient.  See what I’m getting at here?  Christ is right there in the name.  You ought to know what you’re getting into.  Come on.  There is no surprise factor here.

Ok.  Rants aside, here are my favorite Christmas songs.

THIS awesome song I just found Christmas Can-Can by Straight No Chaser while I was looking for the next song.

12 Days by Straight No Chaser

It came upon a midnight clear- Just a nice song.

Hark! the Herald Angels Sing

12 Days of Christmas – John Denver and the Muppets ba dum dum dum  ( I perfer the version with Beaker singing seven ladies dancing, but I’ll take either one.)

Ding Dong Merrily on High

The Christmas Song by Alvin and the Chipmunks- Ok, so its a materialistic song.  Alvin is obsessed and greedy for a hula-hoop, but its still a really fun song.  And Alvin is an animal not a person.

What Child Is This-

O Come all ye Faithful

O Little Town of Bethlehem-

Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney-  This is so obnoxiously 80′s sounding.  Shut up.  You know you secretly love it too.

O Holy Night- Such a beautiful song.  My eyes malfunction pretty much every time I hear this song, whoever sings it.

and because I like it so much a second rendition….

This became a huge video post really quick.  When I started I only intended on listing 5.  Oooops.  Oh well.  What about you?  What is your favorite Christmas song?

(Photo By Fr Antunes)

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1. The 5 worst Christmas songs you hear everytime you turn on the radio or shop

I work in retail, and many of you might not understand that this time of year is pretty much horrific to retail slaves.   My store has been stocking “holiday merchandise” since July.  The Christmas music started the day after Halloween.  Trust me when I tell you I’ve reached my “Little Drummer Boy” quota for the year.  I’m ashamed that I had to waste most of my free Shazam-ings this month to identify some of these horrible tunes, so here they are.  The worst Christmastime songs….

Feliz Navidad- specifically by Celine Dion.   Are you serious?  She’s French Canadian!  SHE IS FRENCH CANADIAN! Why isn’t she singing some french song!  To be clear, I have no problem with this song ordinarily.  BUT COME ON! CELINE DION?

All I want for Christmas is you-  Ugh.  I’m sorry Jon Acuff from Stuff Christians Like.  I love your writing but I cannot share your love of this song.

Christmas Island- by Ella Fitzgerald Oh I hate this song.  Stupid, stupid song that I get stuck in my head ALL THE TIME.  No one even likes this song enough to put it on youtube, so you have to hear the version by Kristin Chenoweth which isn’t nearly as bad.

Mele Kalikimaka- by Bing Crosby Another  catchy islandy Christmas song.  BLARG.  I don’t mean to offend Islandy Peoples, but this song….this song makes me never want to visit Hawaii.  I don’t get why retailers think this song (or the one above for that matter) is going to make people feel more in the(new) Christmas spirit of greed and consumerism.

Santa Baby- by ANYONE EVER I’m not linking to a video of this song.  You know it.  We all know it.  It’s some whiny chick caterwauling about all the material crap Santa needs to bring her, and it is representative of everything horribly, horribly wrong with Christmas and our culture.    She wants expensive crap and she wants it NOW.   If I were in the business of making YouTube videos I’d play this song over a montage of Black Friday Stampedes and 5 years olds having vicious temper tantrums in a ToyRUs.  Of all the songs on this list, I’ve ever heard, this is the one I wish could be unwritten.  It is the anthem of every materialistic jackass that waits until the week of Christmas and screams at store clerks for being out of stock on popular items.   I hope when you celebrate GREEDmas you tell little Suzy that you made everyone around you feel worthless, that you made a minimum wage employee cry because you wanted another 2 dollars off your precious Suzy’s crappy toy.

Other observations of yuletide lunacy:

Jingle bells: Dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh?  This is not something I would describe as fun.  I think anyone with snow experience would prefer a closed sleigh.

Little Drummer Boy:  The ox and lamb kept time?  Animals with knowledge of musical timing? That’s pretty miraculous on its own.

I’ll be home for Christmas:  If only in my dreams….  That’s nice.  As if it’s not hard enough to be away from home and family on Christmas without having this song blasted at your ears all the time reminding you the only way you can be home is through a hallucinatory mental illness.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas:  Next year all our troubles will be miles away.  No.  They probably won’t.  Next year you’ll sing this line again, and hope it’s true, again.

12 Days of Christmas:  The only acceptable version of this song is with John Denver and the Muppets. All others are boring and repetitive.

Barking Dogs do not equal music.

What Christmas songs do you hate most?

(Photo by mcclave)

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1. 12 Christmas songs I wouldn’t mind hearing more of (a rant and a list)

…and by you I might mean me.  Sometimes lyrics come screaming out of the speaker, and regardless of the other words that surround them they cause an emotional reaction.   The following songs contain lyrics that shine a light on job dissatisfaction.

Specifically, my job dissatisfaction.  These are 5 songs that play everyday on my workplace music system.  Here’s to being a disgruntled employee!

Piano Man by Billy Joel

Offending lyric: But there’s someplace that he’d rather be
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me.”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place”

Rocket Man by Elton John

Offending lyric:  It’s just my job five days a week

9 to 5 by Dolly Parton

Offending lyric:  They let you dream just to watch ‘em shatter
You’re just a step on the boss-man’s ladder
But you got dreams he’ll never take away
You’re in the same boat with a lotta your friends
Waitin’ for the day your ship’ll come in
‘n’ the tide’s gonna turn and it’s all gonna roll your way

Let’s be honest though.  This whole song is about being unhappy with your job.

Stayin Alive by the Bee Gees

Offending lyric:  Life goin’ nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin’ nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah. Stayin’ alive.

Footloose by Kenny Loggins

Offending lyric:  I been working so hard
Keep punching my card
Eight hours, for what?…

You’re yearning, burning for some
Somebody to tell you
That life ain’t passing you by
I’m trying to tell you
It will if you don’t even try

Notable mention: Disqualified for not actually being played at my workplace

Take this job and shove it by Johnny Paycheck

What songs sum up your feelings about work?  Are you one of these mythical creatures that love their job?  Is your list better than mine?  Share in the comments.

(Photo by: shankar, shiv)

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This is a Holiday weekend/Monday morning cop out, but it made me giggle with idiotic glee, so enjoy. Happy 4th of July. Hope you didn’t have a fireworks malfunction.

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Yesterday I free form ranted about the lameness of the ever controlling, ever psychotic Edward Cullen.  At the end I left you with this little gem:

Edward Cullen is an allegory for Heroin.

Bella is a tragic drug addict who eventually overdoses.  Lets look at some of the classic signs of drug addiction.

Feeling that you have to use the drug regularly: This sums up Bella’s feeling towards Edward pretty accurately.  She gets nervous when he’s out of sight.  Anytime he disappears for an afternoon she spends the time wallowing in whiny self pity.

Feeling that you need the drug to deal with your problems: She pretty much abandons all idea of a future without him.  She is unable to make any choices without Edward’s approval.  Anytime anything happens she has to consult her drug for answers.

Focusing more and more time and energy on getting and using the drug: Face it.  All of Bella’s time and energy revolve around finding ways to spend more time with her drug.

Other symptoms include, isolation, impaired judgment, panic, depression ect.

So, basically if you wanted to describe someone with a drug problem, just describe Bella Swan.  She constantly lies to her father and to a lessor extent her mother.  She has no friends outside of Edward’s family.  This isn’t romance, its addiction.

The entirety of New Moon is Bella going through a LONG drawn out detox.  When the movie shows Bella sitting in that chair while the months pass, I see that creepy detox scene from Trainspotting with the baby on the ceiling.  I’m serious. Its the same thing, pathetic screams and all.

compare to…

After Edward leaves and Bella goes through detox, she starts to get her shit together again.  She still harbors some suicidal tendencies, but she is forming a semi- normal bond with a long time friend.  Until she goes back in for another hit.  She becomes a desperate addict again and it kills her.  Yes Bella is eventually overcome with so much stupidity that she overdoses on Edward.

This is a story that only holds a shred of romanticism because it is told from the perspective of the junkie.  Of course a junkie will tell you heroin is awesome, they’re a friggin junkie! Told from, perhaps, her father’s perspective this entire saga becomes a very sad tale of a girl who couldn’t just say no to drugs.  So if you drop away the angst and the prepubescent glamorization, we have a bland, lifeless, boring girl who gets tangled up in drugs and dies as a result.  Yes.  Yes I see why everyone is obsessed with this.  makes perfect sense to me now….ugh.

Can we collectively stop making this “character” a role model?  She has no redeemable qualities.  Twilight is a terrible example of everything.  Relationships, growing up, decision making…. even the writing….everything is just awful.

Please J.K. Rowling, write some more books now so we can leave Stephanie Meyer far far behind us.

For an awesome f-bomb filled synopsis of the last book proceed to this link.

(photo by: by permanently scatterbrained)

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Ok, I’ll admit that title might be a bit extreme, but Twilight is seriously misleading and damaging to a person’s perspective on relationships.

I wrote a little about my dislike for the scourge of literature that is the Twilight Saga when the teaser trailer for Eclipse first hit the internet, but now that every other Tweet or Facebook status update I read is about this stupid movie, I feel I can stay silent no longer!

They are awful books and its horrifying that little girls are idolizing them.  Though I really wish it weren’t the case, I have read all 4 books, each a bigger train wreck than the one before.   I kept hoping that the worst was behind me.  Maybe the end was worth all this ridiculous melodrama, but no.  Nothing of value ever popped up, it just kept getting worse.

Bella and Edward have, maybe, the most unhealthy relationship ever.  The relationship is a classic example of abuse.  One could argue that his controlling behavior is all in Bella’s best interest and within the confines of the story they’d have a case.  A weak case, but there is some evidence to support such a thing.

When listening to someone insist that Edward’s controlling (psychotic) nature is only for clumsy Bella’s benefit I can’t help but think she’s trading her practically absent biological father for a over-protective supernatural one.

It is outside the confines of the story that Twilight has danger.  This poorly written series has become a cultural phenomenon.  Little girls, teens, grown ass women are idolizing Edward and Bella as if this is the perfect example of what relationships should be.  If this is what a relationship should be like, then I guess sign me up for an Ice pick lobotomy RIGHT NOW.

He constantly keeps her from seeing a childhood friend to the point where he disables her car.  He encourages her to lie to her father, repeatedly.  He “nonchalantly” mentions that if she leaves him that he will kill himself.  It goes on and on.  If you want a good  list of the examples of controlling behavior I09 had a nice article about it

But no, I get off topic….control is not the real issue at hand.   My point is that…..

Edward Cullen is an allegory for Heroin.

This got a lot longer than I’d planned so more on that tomorrow….

(Photo by: shutterpillar)

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This guy clears it all up if you had any confusion.

This summary works perfectly for the final season.  Maybe the back half of season 5 as well.  However, pretty much everything from the first 4 seasons is ignored in the new narrative.

The entire tone of the show changed and the writers seemed to abandon all the elements that they had weaved into the story.

The finale was good, but it didn’t fit this show.  I wish this had been the finale for Battlestar Galactica instead.  Lame.

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So….  I feel compelled to write something about the Series Finale of Lost, but I haven’t been able to find the motivation to keep up with this season.  I’d like to say that I’ve had better things to do with my time, but that’s not even true.  The better things have consisted of watching Arrested Development, Farscape and Venture Bros.

Its bizarre that I feel almost guilty that I have failed to keep up on this show.  I’ve watched so far, so I must complete it right?  Eventually.

I have to say its pretty silly that I see tons of comments everywhere about how beautiful the finale was, how much people cried, and how it was the perfect ending but then they say they didn’t understand it and are asking others for help figuring out what happened.  YOU CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS buddy.  Pick confusion or beauty.

So for those of you who have watched the entire show start to finish, are you glad you’ve spent over 130 hours of your life watching this show?

Were you disappointed with the end?

If you watched a few seasons and quit, does this encourage you to catch up now that its over?

(Photo:  Lost promotional shot)

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If you own this cat, it is certainly a blessing.  You always have fluffy entertainment.  I don’t even usually like cats, but I want this one.  This cat is clearly awesome.

This morning we have some amusing videos for you to enjoy.  Nice low key entertainment.  You’re welcome.

Kitty has a spectacular vertical leap!

Squish face!

See? Isn’t this the most adorable cat?  Experts (whoever they are) say that owning pets can add several years to your life expectancy.  Look at all the amusement this kitty gives.  Laughter! Get some!  Have a good Monday everyone!

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